Damned and Damaged by Amelia Ford

Author:Amelia Ford [Ford, Amelia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-07-02T16:00:00+00:00

13

Tash hadn’t moved from the sofa, but I couldn’t even bring myself to say hello. I went into the kitchen, opened the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice, in the hope that it would wash away the bitter taste in my mouth. I turned to find my housemate standing at the door like a blanketed yeti.

“So, how did it go?” she asked, her nasally voice full of eager anticipation.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I cocked up.”

“What did you do?” she asked, looking puzzled.

“I poured my heart out and then threw myself at him.”

“What do you mean you threw yourself at him?”

“I kissed him.” I dropped my face into my hands at the excruciating embarrassment of it all.

“You kissed him,” she repeated flatly.

I wasn’t quite sure why she was echoing everything I was saying like a parrot. Flu was obviously befuddling her brain.

“And then what happened?”

“He kissed me back.”

Tash paused, her expression one of bewilderment. “Isn’t that what you wanted? I fail to see what went wrong.”

“We were kissing and then we weren’t kissing and then he told me to leave.”

“He told you to leave?”

“Yes, will you please stop repeating everything I say!” I said, allowing my frustration to surface.

“Why did he tell you to leave?”

“I don’t know! Usually when someone tells you to leave it’s because they don’t want you to stay,” I said sarcastically. I really didn’t mean to take my pain and sense of worthlessness out on Tash but she was sort of putting herself in the firing line.

She came over and gave me a hug. “Oh Annie.” Like a true friend, she didn’t take any of it personally.

“I went to the shop, Tash,” I said, sounding deflated. I knew she would understand what I was getting at.

“Oh Annie!” she admonished gently. She pulled away and held me at arm’s length “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“But I really thought I’d beaten it.”

“You have, but you’ve had an awful lot of change and disruption in your life recently it’s hardly surprising that you’ve had a slip up.”

“I was such an idiot. My defences were down and I shouldn’t have launched into an account of what happened to Jack.”

“You can’t escape your past Annie, but that is exactly what it is, it’s passed. Don’t let it sabotage your present.”

“I know,” I said, shaking my head. “He made it seem like he understood otherwise I wouldn’t have said anything and then to add insult to injury he comforted me and then pushed me away.”

“Come on Annie, you ain’t the one with the problem. The guy’s a recluse, he ain’t altogether there,” she said, tapping her head. “He’s a tosspot, crackpot, you’d be far better off staying well clear of him. You don’t need someone like that in your life.”

“You’re right,” I said sadly. I didn’t need someone with as many issues as I had in my life. I clearly wasn’t strong enough to deal with his problems as well as my own. I hated myself for bingeing and I hated him for driving me to it.

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